Excuses, Excuses

Since I have started to try to live more frugally, I have had a few conversations with friends and family about financial struggles. One thing I have noticed is that no matter what our individual situation entails, it seems there are 2 possible solutions. If your income isn’t enough to cover your expenses you either need to find more income, or reduce expenses. Going out and finding a 2^nd job or a higher paid position isn’t that easy these days, but I don’t personally know anybody who doesn’t have at least some areas of their budget that they can reduce.

For me, as well as most people I talk to, getting started on making better financial decisions isn’t always easy. Sometimes, making excuses for why we can’t stop frivolous spending can be all too easy. Here are some of the excuses I have heard, or have, at some point, tried to use myself.

It was such a good deal.

While it can be a good idea to stock up on things you need when they are on sale, buying things that you do not need is a waste of money, no matter how much of a “good deal” it is.

My self esteem is tied up in getting my hair done, pedicure, manicure etc.

First of all, I believe that true self esteem comes from being proud of who you are, and what you do, rather than from how you look. While a new outfit, or hair-do can give you a temporary mood boost, that will fade, and if you aren’t happy with the person that you are, that outfit isn’t going to fix that. I often struggle with self esteem issues, and have turned to retail therapy to make myself feel better. The thing about it is, when the end of the month rolls around and we don’t have the money to pay that bill I forgot about, or to buy that box of diapers that we need, suddenly those retail therapy purchases don’t make me feel so good.

What does make me feel good is getting all the way through the month without accidentally overdrawing our checking account, or sending one of our credit cards an extra payment. Sure, it isn’t as glamorous as a pedicure in the short run, but in the long run living within our means is helping my kids learn to be financially responsible, and is helping my family move toward home ownership.

Why should I cut back on this when you spend on that?

When one spouse uses the other spouse’s financial missteps to justify their own, it can wreak havoc on a budget. Saying “well, she bought that new dress, so I can buy this new phone” is a lot like misplacing ten dollars and using that to justify throwing another ten in the trash. It can be tough when backslides happen, but instead of deciding to backslide further, learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.

When spouses aren’t on the same page about their financial situation, it can be even harder to get your debt and spending under control. I am a stay at home mom, so my husband is the sole wage earner for our family. However, I am the one who pays the bills and balances the checkbook. If I didn’t talk to my husband about our finances (and if he never asked,) he would be mostly clueless about our debt situation. If your spouse doesn’t see the need to save money and get out of debt, you have to show them the reality of the situation. Write out a monthly budget to let your spouse see exactly how much income you have, and how much you spend each month. You might want to point out areas of spending that could be reduced. If your spouse is resistant to cutting back, don’t expect them to be willing to cut out all of their luxuries at once. Even stretching out the time between haircuts for one extra week will help cut costs. If you and your spouse have been in the habit of using each other as an excuse to spend excessively, you may need to present cuts in a format of, if you give up this, I will give up that. Hopefully having the numbers laid out in a calm, rational way will allow your spouse to see the need for frugality. Even if it doesn’t and they insist on eating lunch out everyday, you can still save money on the things you can directly control. Every little bit really does help.

I buy things for myself because I didn’t have anything growing up.

It can be very tempting to indulge your inner child, especially if you had to go without a lot growing up. If your financial situation is causing you stress, or you are in danger of losing your house, or car, you have to stop indulging the child that you were so that you can take care of the adult that you are. Odds are pretty good that your indulgence helped get you into debt in the first place. In order to climb out of debt, you have to stop frivolous spending. Period.

I have reward points that will expire if I don’t use them.

I currently have a $10 reward check from a store credit card. It expires at the end of this month, if I don’t use it I lose that “free” $10. Last time I was in this particular store, I didn’t see a single item for less than fifteen dollars. If I insisted on using up my gift check, I could buy a fifteen dollar item and save ten bucks, so it would only cost me five dollars plus tax. On the other hand, I could not get anything and it would cost me zero dollars. It doesn’t cost me anything to let that check expire, but using it costs me money.

The trick to moving towards a frugal life style is being completely honest with yourself. Once you get past the excuses for spending, you have to learn to distinguish between needs and wants and between can’t and won’t. That is the part that really seems to be a barrier for people. We are constantly inundated with information telling us all the toys and gadgets we need. When you really get down to it, your needs are very little, and the vast majority of everything else you have is essentially a luxury. Once you wrap your head around how many luxuries you really have, it makes it a lot easier to cut back on the frivolous spending.