May Challenge-Getting the kids to help!

So, April’s challenges didn’t go so well. I pretty much failed at all of them. I did mostly keep up with my original March goals, but even that doesn’t feel like an accomplishment. It just seems like no matter what I do, it doesn’t last long. I don’t want to get too far into pity party mode here, but there are literally times when I clean a room and then leave it for a minute, and when I come back, there is a whole new mess. It just feels so futile, like no matter what I do, it won’t make a difference. It makes me want to just give up, I mean, what’s the point of just treading water all of the time?

Then I realize that giving up certainly isn’t going to solve anything, but if my family isn’t helping, there is NO way I am ever going to be able to get the house in order. Getting the kids on board is not going to be easy. They have bad habits too, and changing their habits is going to take a lot of effort, both from the kids and from my husband and I. This is my May challenge, to get the kids to pull their weight.

A friend of mine made a chore chart for her three kids, and has had a lot of success with that. She has broken the house into three areas, and her kids rotate through the jobs, so that they aren’t doing the same job every day. If one of the kids doesn’t do their chore one day, the next day they have to do the previous day’s chore and the current day’s chore, which means one of their siblings doesn’t have to do a chore that day.

Initially, I thought I could use her system with a few minor adjustments. It became obvious pretty quickly that her chart, while great for her kids ages 12, 11, and 9, would not work for my kids ages 10, 7, 6, and 3. I need to assign specific chores to each child based on age and ability.  What I could borrow from her, however, was the idea that failure to complete chores would result in clear, consistent consequences. 

I have made 3 checklists for the kids:

The Morning/Bedtime list for the tasks they have to do to get ready for school and get ready for bed.

 The After School list has their daily chores and tasks.

 The Sunday list has their bigger once a week chores, including step by step lists for each of those chores.

The lists are color coded so the kids can identify their own list easily, also because I am really anal retentive about things that don’t matter.I printed them out and put each one in a sheet protector so that they can use a china marker to check off the list each day, and then it can be wiped off and used again. There is an extra copy of each kids' Sunday chores in their room, so that they can see what they need to do without fighting over the list.

The kids’ role in this challenge is, of course to do the items on their lists. My (and my husband’s) role is to remind them to do their chores, as many times as necessary, without yelling, and to establish a set routine to keep things consistent. I, of course, have to remember that even though it might be quicker, easier, and done better if I do it myself, they have to learn how to help out around the house. This will be a particularly tricky challenge, because I have  enough trouble motivating myself, and now I have to motivate 4 other people, BUT, if I can succeed the reward will be great.

Challenge 2-Week 1

This week I did fine on my new challenge areas, but my challenge items from last month were a big FAIL. It was Spring Break, which meant that all 4 kids and the husband were home with me all week. The usual schedule was out the window. I slept in, I went several days without doing any laundry, and I barely set foot in the kitchen. Fortunately, I was able to get caught up by the end of the week, so I was able to start today on track.

Since the week was pretty much a wash, I have decided to extend this challenge through the end of April. This way, my challenges will begin on the 1st of the month and finish on the last day of the month. In addition to extending my challenge, I have decided to add another item to my April challenge list. I decided that I needed more focus on the organizing/cleaning for this month. Each day I will clear the clutter off of one area of my front rooms. Like with the laundry, I have designated a specific day to each area. After this first week, it should be a really quick job to get it back to tidy.

Monday-Homework Center
Tuesday-Small side counter and coupon/ad and menu pockets
Wednesday- Hutch
Thursday-Bookcase
Friday-Long kitchen counter

These are the primary clutter catchers in the front part of the house. Mail, purse, keys, backpacks etc all get piled on one of these surfaces, so they are a great place to start.

Challenge Update

Week one went really well. I met my goals each day and was really thinking this was going to be easier than I thought, until...

Week two arrived. The second week it was a bit tougher to get out of bed in the morning. I still managed, but it took a lot of self convincing each day. I still met my goals everyday, so yay me!

Week three was a mess. On Monday, our Rabbi and friend passed away suddenly, and it hit the entire family very hard. I managed to keep up on Monday, but I didn’t do any laundry or dishes the rest of the week. I did manage to get up on (or almost on) time each day, got dressed, and the kids’ lunches got made each night with the exception of the night following the funeral, but that was about it.  Fortunately, since I had been keeping up with laundry the previous two weeks, there wasn’t too big of a mountain. My husband got the laundry caught up on the weekend while I was out selling cookies with my Girl Scout troop, so I was able to start the last week on track.

Week four was not as off as the previous week, but I still didn’t get fully back on track. We lost another family friend this week, so I wasn’t in a very gung-ho kinda mood. Laundry got done, but it didn’t always get folded and put away properly. The dishwasher mostly got emptied, but sometimes I had the kids do it afterschool. The good thing about all of this is, I am still motivated to keep going. In the past, after losing ground like this, I would just quit. But I am not going to quit this time. Today is the last day of my challenge, and I am on track to meet all of my goals for the day.

Overall, I think my challenge went well. I am waking up at 6am every morning, even on the weekends. Today I was even the first one awake in the house! Even my bad days are more productive than they used to be, due in part to getting dressed in the morning. The laundry is under control, and even when I slip up, it doesn’t take much to get it back on track.

Now that I have finished my first challenge, I hope to add 5 new things to do/change each month. My next goals are more self improvement focused, rather than household focused. In addition to keeping up with my previous goals, I want to:

No nail biting. I have had this terrible habit for as long as I can remember. I am in a wedding in July and would like my hands to look like they belong to a female without having to pay big bucks for acrylics.

Portion control. I want to keep my meals down to something that could reasonably be called a single serving, and stop eating out of boredom, especially right before bed.

Put my clothes in the hamper as soon as I take them off. I tend to just drop them on the floor outside the bathroom or next to the bed with the intention of putting them in the hamper in the morning, but that rarely happens.

No dining out. Well, with one exception. We have tickets to a show in April, and we are likely going to meet up with friends before or after, so I am allowing for dining out that one day.  Even though I am making an exception, we are going to eat at home before the show, so that any dining out can be a small snack, or just a drink. We don’t go out much, but it always seems to happen more than we planned.

Work on this blog more. I am challenging myself to work on Better Mom for 15 minutes a day, even if it is just coming up with post ideas.

Conquering Mt. Hand-Me-Down

As I mentioned previously, I have four kids. Keeping them in relatively clean clothing that are free of holes, in an attempt to make them not look like feral children can be quite a challenge. Even at discount stores clothing costs can add up, especially for kids who are going to out grow it soon. At least with my own clothes I can get several years of use in return for my investment. With the kids, I’m lucky if the clothes fit for a year. When you factor in stains and holes in the knees, we’re lucky if clothes last 6 months.

Hand me downs can really help stretch a family’s clothing budget. I mean really, you can’t beat FREE! While the price is certainly right, there is some time involved in making the most of donated clothing. I automatically accept all offers of hand me downs. Sometimes this can lead to an overwhelming stack of bags and boxes of clothes to sort through, especially if they aren’t dealt with right away and they begin to pile up.

Mt. Hand-Me-Down turned into a Mole Hill

Having a simple system helps make quick work of even the biggest hand me down pile up. The first step is to get rid of all the items that you can’t use. I usually go through the pile looking for anything that is too small, has holes I can’t or won’t repair, has significant stains or that I know my kids just will not wear. These go into a pile to donate to a thrift store or shelter. Items that were part of a set and are missing the top or bottom, if the single piece is difficult to match also go. In most cases, this thins the pile significantly.

Some might say that I am being too picky with something I got for free. The thing is, I may be trying to be frugal but I am also trying to reduce clutter, so even free items have to be worth the storage real estate. With that in mind, however, PLEASE don’t throw away usable clothing or other household items. Donate it. Whether it goes to a friend, a shelter, or to a charity that operates a thrift store, it doesn’t matter, just donate what you can. There is a Jewish teaching that every body needs to give to charity, even if the charity you give comes from charity you received from someone else. There is always someone worse off than you, and it doesn’t cost me anything to donate my unused stuff.

Storage labels for clear bins

Most of the time the usable hand me downs are a size or more too large for my kids to use right away, so they need to be stored. I use clear bins so that I can see the contents and reduce digging for a specific item later. I sort clothes by size and if there is enough of one size to fill more than one bin, I also sort by season. I write the size and season on a piece of paper and slide between the folded clothing and one end of the bin so that it can be read from the outside. I usually make a note of which child it will be for and an approximate date to pull it out of storage as well.

With a little effort, and the help of some clear bins and a permanent marker, those huge piles of donated clothes can quickly turn into an organized stack of usable, free clothing.

Get Organized Giveaway opportunity

Living on a Dime is full of frugal living, and organizing tips. I visit the site often!

They are having a giveaway for a copy of Get Organized, Stay Organized by Christine Shuck. Check out the details here

I quit?

And now I have reached the part of my quest where I give up.

I had just spent the better part of two days working on cleaning and organizing. I am very aware of the fact that there is a LOT more ahead of me. The clean shiny surface of my newly organized counter tops was helping me stay motivated to finish the task. After dinner, I left the house to visit a friend. When I left, there was an hour and a half until bedtime, and the girls had just finished their bath.

I came home late and headed straight down the hall. I peeked into my room to find my husband, Mike, hunched over asleep at the computer. I continued to the laundry room to start a load of the kids’ uniforms for school the next day. When I returned to the bedroom, the hubs was awake, and in the process of getting ready for bed. We chatted a bit, and I asked him if he could transfer the load of laundry to the dryer when he got up in the morning. He said, “Of course” and we headed to bed.

In the morning, I woke up just before Mike headed out for work. On my way out to the front room I was greeted by my early birds, M and O. I shuffled into the kitchen to discover a sink full of dirty dishes, and a dishwasher full of more dirty dishes. It was picture day at M’s school, so I sighed in frustration and got busy getting her started on her day. Once the little girls were having breakfast, I went to wake up my older daughter. I noticed that I could not hear the dryer running. Sure enough, Mike had forgotten to put the kids’ uniforms into the dryer. With only 50 minutes until their ride to school arrived, I was not confident that the clothes would dry in time. I made sure to clear the lint trap and got the dryer started.

I made another attempt to wake up the older kids, and checked on the younger ones at the breakfast table. After washing hands and faces, I started getting M dressed. The older kids were still lying in bed, but a final, much louder wake up call got them up and moving. I assigned my oldest with the task of serving up breakfast for herself and her brother, while I started the daily drama of brushing M’s hair. After much crying and protest, M was ready for school and looking appropriately adorable for her picture. At this point, with 30 minutes until the carpool arrived, I remembered that I had not made the kids’ lunches the night before. I rushed into the kitchen to quickly throw together some sandwiches. I finished the lunches in a mere 5 minutes.

Urging the kids to finish breakfast, I went to the laundry room to check on the progress of the load in the dryer. Finally! Something was working in my favor. The laundry was dry, or at least it was close enough. I grabbed an outfit for each kid and went back out to the front. After repeated reminders and urges to hurry, the kids managed to brush their teeth, get dressed and brush their hair. The carpool for the older kids and the bus for M arrived just as I handed out the lunches. After another burst of activity getting everybody in their respective rides, I carried O back inside and collapsed on the couch.

I haven’t even had my coffee yet.

I was frustrated. I was angry. I was feeling, once again, that nothing I did mattered. Why should I bother? It just gets undone anyway. I was knee deep into a pity party of epic proportions. I had a cup of coffee, or three, and started to feel a bit better. Not do the damn dishes better, but make a loaf of challah and a pan of lasagna better. By the afternoon, a sudden unexplainable wave of exhaustion hit me, so when Mike got home I went to lie down.

When I woke up from my nap, Mike had done all of the dishes and set the table for dinner. Have I mentioned that my husband is awesome? I realized that this process is going to take time for all of us. I can’t do this all by myself, but I can’t expect my family to suddenly have good habits just because I want them to. If I give up now how will they learn? (Oy, that sounds so cheesetastic!) I can’t give up just because one day went badly.

Onward.

Identifying the problem

My journey to becoming Better Mom began back in April, when I was trying to pay bills. I had forgotten, yet again, about some check or transaction, and our account had overdrawn. Of course, 5 transactions cleared after the overdraft, so we had about $140 in overdraft fees. This was the third month in a row that this had happened, and losing $100 to $200 in fees was not an uncommon occurrence over the past year. Here we were, struggling to raise 4 kids on a single income, and my forgetfulness was costing us hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars.

So, we need more money. That’s simple enough, I’ll get a job. It has to be in the evening after my husband gets home because the cost of childcare would negate any income. It can’t go past 11pm because I still have to get up in the morning to get the older kids up and off to school, and then take care of the little ones all day. I can’t work on Monday because that is scout night. I can’t work on Wednesday because my husband has to go run the Hebrew school. I am willing to work weekends, but I teach a class Sunday morning so I can’t work before 2pm on Sundays. Let’s not forget that the economy is bad and I have been out of the work force for 9 years.

OK, not so simple. Maybe getting a job isn’t the way to go. What other options are there? I could work from home. I could, if I could find a work from home job that I am qualified to do that isn’t a scam and allows for a lot of schedule flexibility. A few too many hours spent with my good friend Google tells me this isn’t the way to go either. CRAP. What’s left? If I can’t earn more money we are just going to have to spend less. Desperate for help, I turn once again to the Google. I search “frugal living.” Several of the hits I get are ads selling a book or telling me that a mom “just like me” made 8 gazillionty dollars in 5 seconds with this secret, ORDER NOW!! But, amongst the garbage, were some helpful sites. On one, I read about a family who paid off a large amount of debt in a relatively short time on a small income. I immediately signed up for their newsletter, and I was on my way toward a frugal lifestyle.

Initially, a lot of the tips I read seemed like common knowledge. I mean cooking at home is cheaper than dining out, DUH. I was thinking, “We hardly ever dine out, I need to cut my grocery bill.” I was looking for ways to save on groceries because that is the biggest part of our budget after rent. We spent between $600 and $700 a month on things from the grocery store, including paper goods and cleaning supplies. Fortunately, I use Quicken to track our spending and keep a budget. Even though I am not as diligent about assigning spending categories as I could be, a quick search showed that we were actually spending an average of $300 a month on dining. Our occasional pizza or taco night combined with a few “run through the drive through because we are in a hurry” really does add up. I had no idea we were wasting so much money on these “cheap pick up meals.”

Step 1: Plan ahead to avoid the need for last minute take-out.

The thing about planning meals (or anything else, for that matter) ahead is that it requires organization. I am not organized. I am a mess. I am procrastination. I am don’t wanna. We were able to immediately make a big dent in our dining out habit (enough to put a stop to the overdraft cycle), but the mess in the kitchen and my tendency to procrastinate was making it difficult to progress further. My ultimate goal is to pay off our debt so that we can finally buy a house. Paying off the debt would require further budget cuts.

I started making our own laundry detergent. It is actually much easier than you might think. It takes less than half an hour, and the batch lasts us well over a month. I also started making our own dishwasher detergent, but unlike the laundry stuff which seemed to work about as well as the store bought, it wasn’t very effective and left a film on all the dishes. Baking Mix and several seasoning mixes are now all made at home in an effort to cut costs. While all of this is great, and has indeed helped, it is really just an effort to avoid what I know I need to do.

Step 2: Get organized.